tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
