the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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