That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
