I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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