i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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