Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
