I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
