Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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