Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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