So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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