I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
