It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize