when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
