; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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