I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
