yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
