FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
