Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
