how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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