I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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