the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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