He told me they were just razor bumps!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
