I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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