This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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