weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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