the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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