you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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