Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
