i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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