Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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