who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
