There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
