I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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