I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I woke up under a house in Key West
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
