I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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