It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
