Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize