hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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