i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
birth control should be required to get into college
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
