I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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