The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Damn victory sex feels great
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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