if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
