We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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