When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
