sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
my vag is so smooth its legendary
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
