This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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