loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
