I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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