I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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