Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
