Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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