hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
