bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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