You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
