so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
