yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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