i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
