i'm signing you up for texting rehab
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
