she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
