I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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