I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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