dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
