My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
