You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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