You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
