Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
