im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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