just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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