They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
