its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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