Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
