you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
