I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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