idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
