Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
