I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
