i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize