This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
