I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
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