My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
