Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
