I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
