The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize