Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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