I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
