I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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