If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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