He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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