I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize