It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
FUCK WHALES
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
