why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
