he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You left your phone here
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