and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
