i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
