I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
