K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
you would pick up someone in the library
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
