The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
