The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
