my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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