the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dick very happy bro
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize