come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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