It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
