Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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