Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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