shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
