My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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